September

and life goes on. Summer flew by. House prep, care taking of the house, pool, gardens etc. Vacation, then more house prep and thoughts of selling. I didn't list. Decided to wait but search for my next forever home by the water. K & T were helpful and encouraging. THEN I was approached by a broker. He had clients who wanted to see my house. They LOVED it. They made an offer, Can I be out by Oct.19th? Yes I can. Can I? Where will I go? The search and anguish began. I looked and hoped and found and then lost and decided I could stay anywhere for a short while. Then all of a sudden a dear friend offered me her apartment in her house. Could I come see it? I went fell in love and was happy. She offered it for free!! Three hours later the house deal fell through. That was all in 4 short agonizing weeks. Flights were booked, UHAUL'S were rented, kids came to help and now I am here. Back in the house I know I should sell but am being told to wait for the spring market. I am in a good place but thoroughly exhausted. A few more strings to untie and then settle in for the next season. Pool closed today. Now to get the windows hung, wall insert up and everything else buttoned up. I have met new friends, my true ones have revealed themselves and I am all the richer for it. I also found a small house for rent by a cranberry bog. Should I do it? I think so. It might ease the pain of having to move on from this home that I love and hoping to be enthusiastic about it all. My kids and grand kiddos are healthy and happy and secure, as much as we all can be. I am very grateful. Optimism kicking in. I am down 5 sizes, feeling great, looking pretty good. My head is clearer than ever before. Now by the grace of God I will carry on.

pale purple roses

Lilac roses actually. Dave gave them to me for our 35th. I love them. We repotted them on Sunday so they will continue to thrive.I can not wait to replant in our rose garden. Apparently, I do have one.
So I found this old post/draft above from 2009 and decided to publish it. Continuing on my life's journey a lot has happened since I last wrote. It has been 3 years since Dave has passed. "'Til death do us part" resonated within me and I put aside my deep grief and although I will always honor what we had together I know he would want me to move on. It is what i would want for him if the situation was reversed. I have his name/signature close to my heart in my special signature tattoo, that helps. I took off my wedding ring and fashioned flat gold hoops earrings from of both of our wedding rings. I can now enjoy them whenever I wish and they make me happy. I have started taking care of me. Losing weight, swimming, yoga, just overall general focus and care. It has been a long time in coming as I have always cared for everyone else. No regrets but nice to be able to focus on me. It feels awesome!! I have also met many new people; Cranwell swimmers, on a European cruise with a dear friend, people in the Berkshire and Cape community. I have done a few upgrades to the house in preparation to sell but realize I may need a bit more time to hug this place that I love so much. It is special and makes me happy. I believe I will uno when it is time to move on. I'm grateful for friends and family who support me and optimistic for the days ahead.