still trying and some times are harder than others

Even though I understand it all, sometimes I am not sure how this happened and why you had to leave. I understand it, it's what we all prayed for because you were suffering and it was not the kind of life you could lead. You tried, you tried hard to sustain yourself. I get it. I am just so sad and lonely without you. I keep busy, I really do. Everyone thinks I am doing great. I know others have lost people. I have felt loss before as well. This is different. There is no one to hold my hand, to talk with, to confide in, to complain to, to dream with, no one. I wish I could hold you, and you me. You said you didn't want to leave me and I told you I would be okay. I am trying. I was so very lucky to have had you in my life for so long. Now I am lost, especially at night. Nights are the hardest part. I'll love you, forever.