and its Mother's Day

I am so lucky. I have memories of years and years of you bringing me flowers Dave. You never forgot and always made me feel appreciated, not just on Mpther's Day but most every day. It's never going to be the same in my life without you but I do feel more capable lately of pushing through. It's lonely but I see a glimmer of life ahead. Not the life of my choosing but who knows what may come? I did;t know you were there for me until one bleak night and magically you entered my life. Our kids are precious gifts, thank you for that. You should see our grand kids, amazing souls. They are filled with light, love, hope and dreams May it always be so. I may sell the house soon. I may move closer to the ocean. I'll be nearer the kids and nearer my happy place. This home has been our happy place and I am comfortable in it. That being said everyone else feels I should sell. It's too big, it's too much, etc. etc. but its mine (ours). If I find a place I will make a quick decision and move forward. I had hoped the kids would want it as an investment, a sanctuary. This place is special and will be worth more again in time. I know it is more than dollars and sense but it was a labor of love for both of us for many years, our dream home. Dreams change and people move on. Anyway, I wanted to just check in and say hi, thinking of you today as always. Love you forever and thank you for always having my back and loving me, unconditionally. Your encouragement and reassurance is what I miss the most. That and your hugs and your holding my hand.

Happy New Year 2017

Well, it's New Year's Eve. First one for me alone. I am missing Dave but carrying on. Had a wonderful week with everyone over Christmas. 16 of us under the Eaton Lane roof. Dave would have loved it! I did. Craziness, chaos and fun. I am thankful for the times when we gather, it make my life worth living. I had a quiet dinner and a relaxing day, straightening up and cleaning. Made a few lists that I will tackle tomorrow. Now I am off to bed and hope to dream of Dave and our life together. So very grateful for the years we had and the beautiful moments we shared. 2017 will be here soon enough and who knows what adventures it will bring? Life is for the living and I continue to try and figure out what that means for me. I'm praying for peace, comfort and health for my loved ones and hope good things are just around the corner for us all.

still trying and some times are harder than others

Even though I understand it all, sometimes I am not sure how this happened and why you had to leave. I understand it, it's what we all prayed for because you were suffering and it was not the kind of life you could lead. You tried, you tried hard to sustain yourself. I get it. I am just so sad and lonely without you. I keep busy, I really do. Everyone thinks I am doing great. I know others have lost people. I have felt loss before as well. This is different. There is no one to hold my hand, to talk with, to confide in, to complain to, to dream with, no one. I wish I could hold you, and you me. You said you didn't want to leave me and I told you I would be okay. I am trying. I was so very lucky to have had you in my life for so long. Now I am lost, especially at night. Nights are the hardest part. I'll love you, forever.