Spring 2016 and moving on

Sunday, March 20th, just returned from a great visit in NYC. Stayed with Rachel and Dustin. So very nice to see them and explore and go to Rachel's shows. Met Em and saw some old friends of Rachel's and mine. Good to be home after a NYC visit and the one before that to visit Dee in Naples. My leg is still working against me, trying to do rehab and PT but it's been 10 months now and still not great. It's better but holding me back. I am feeling a bit renewed and strengthened or at least walking the walk though after seeing kids and friends.
I fluctuate between waiting to sell and knowing I do not need to and wanting to stay but everyone tells me to do it. So, as I look ahead and that is my plan. A good friend said recently when I find the "new, great place" I will be excited to go forward with my new life's chapter. Looking at beach communities, they always make me happy. No matter where I go, it will be just me without Dave. I get that very clearly now. I will carry him with me, in my heart and on my heart, thank you tatoo. :)
I know how blessed to have had such an amazing love story in my history for 43 years. I will always miss and love him but I need to move on. I know that is what he wanted for me. Some days I do it with grace, some days I struggle. Everyday I pray for strength, patience and insight to do the right thing for me and for my family.
I was invited to Cincy for Easter with the kids and Nat and Mike, very kind of them. I had already promised to go to Reading. So I am off to Easter next weekend with Kate, Tom and crew along with Em *& Dan. After that I am back to continue on clearing out and planning ahead. I am lucky to have choices. God has a plan for me and I hope I can be patient.
On the 30th Dave will be gone one year. I have struggled with this and am not sure I want to commemorate the day of his passing. I would rather celebrate his birthday and all the joy he brought in to so many lives. Gathering with the guys this week before Easter. Many people still feeling his loss. Love and miss you Dave, my soul mate, my love and my life.

come on spring.

February 22nd, just a month or so later since my last post. First Valentine's Day without you here, the boys; Tom, PJ and Dan were so thoughtful and brought me red roses as you always did.  It touched my heart and made the week a little less painful. Kate and family spent the day and overnight with me. Once again I am so thankful for her and all of our children, they do lift me up. I try to lift them as well but not sure if I am helping lately.  Feb. 18th came and went, I drank out of our gold wedding goblets, 42 years and I still love you so much.

In between these poignant anniversaries, Sandy B passed. You probably know this now but I have to say, it just broke my heart. 44 years of friendship and I miss her every day. As I walk around the house I see her touches and gifts from over 4 decades of friendship. The family all gathered and that helped but I am praying for Joe, he is devastated.  Phew. Life is precious but this part sucks.

I am gearing up to relist our house. I'm committed to follow your plan and sell the house. Looking ahead to a condo by the beach, somewhere close to kids and the ocean. I hope you will be with me and help with my decisions.

I am praying we all stay strong and join together as a family. It has always been our/my strength. Just having the girls together over the funeral weekend I felt our families power. I will continue to do what I have done and hold it together. I know it meant everything to you , to both of us.

Autumn, anniversaries and understanding

So many years ago close to this date was a day of sadness and yet peace when I lost my dear sister/mother figure Jeanette. What used to be a wonderful and exciting time turned sad and heavy for me. Over the years I have realized that she would never have wanted that to be! She loved, loved, loved Halloween and had a sweet tooth a mile long. So, today this season is one of celebration!!!

Our first granddaughter Nora Jane is three years old. I remember holding her as a newborn, sigh, quickest three years. Now we have 5 grand kiddos and they always make us smile. It really is true what they say, with grandkids you realize the importance of little favors. Its easier to love them unconditionally and experience the pure joy of their development without having to worry about every little thing that they do. The little things that might cause a parent concern are so unimportant to us. A wise man once told me, small favors and its true. Ignore the small stuff, let them be kids, they'll have the weight and worries of the world on their shoulders soon enough and won't always have me around to spoil them.  I'm not quite ready for the sweatshirt that states it as yet  but I sure do love my grandkids.

I can say the same about my kids, adults in their own right,  but always babes in our hearts. They know so much, are talented, educated and caring people. I  try and give them little snippets of wisdom that I have garnered over the years and though I try to make them sound like simple conversations,  insights from our experiences, it's not always possible to keep them simple. In the end, it really is theirs to find out. So for now, I'll be content in knowing they are enjoying their passage through this amazing journey and pray for their happiness, health and safety.

Now off to watch this hurricane Sandy roll over us, "waiting for the storm"and hoping for some new clarity and peace for us all as a nation when the storm subsides.